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#1721 glenway

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Posted 12 January 2021 - 02:31 PM

Return on Investment.

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#1722 kiyote

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 06:13 AM

One man says to another, :"My wife is an angel".

Other man: "You are so lucky, mine is still alive."


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1723 glenway

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 02:13 PM

Solid guarantee.

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#1724 kiyote

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Posted 14 January 2021 - 06:13 AM

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer ?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1725 kiyote

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Posted 15 January 2021 - 06:07 AM

A blond and her husband were in bed, but couldn't sleep, because the neighbor's dog was barking, and barking. Finally, the blond got out of bed, and said, "I'm going to fix this."

She came back to bed in a while, and her husband said, "what did you do - I can still hear the dog barking?"

The blond said, "I put the dog in OUR back yard, let's see how THEY like it"


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1726 kiyote

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Posted 16 January 2021 - 06:07 AM

Attached File  coyoteproblems.jpg   99.76KB   5 downloads


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1727 kiyote

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Posted 17 January 2021 - 05:25 AM

I went to watch a topless ventriloquist last night.

She was amazing; I never saw her lips move once.


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1728 kiyote

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Posted 18 January 2021 - 06:23 AM

I may not be the best looking, or the smartest, or talented, funny or athletic.
I forgot where I was going with this but I do know that I like bacon.


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1729 kiyote

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Posted 19 January 2021 - 05:56 AM

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, imbibing a few shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.

"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."

He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"

The man turns to his friend, looks at him, smiles, and then says, "Not anymore! He is!"


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1730 kiyote

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Posted 20 January 2021 - 05:28 AM

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Test of Three?"

"That's correct," Socrates continued.

"Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1731 kiyote

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Posted 21 January 2021 - 06:36 AM

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.

The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. She was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, 'Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?'

Not one hand went up..so she took them home and ate them herself.


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1732 kiyote

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Posted 22 January 2021 - 06:04 AM

Little Sally comes home from school munching on a big bag of candy.

Her mother says, "Where'd you get the money for that!?"

Sally laughs and says, "Little Johnny bet me five dollars I couldn't climb up the flag pole! I did it, and I won!"

Her mother shakes her head. "You dummy! He was just trying to get a peek at your panties!"

"Oh no!" Little Sally says, embarrassed.

But the next day, she comes home with another bag of candy.

Her mother says, "Did Little Johnny pay you to climb the flag pole again!??"

"Yes!" says Little Sally. "But I sure fooled him! I didn't even wear any panties!"


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1733 kiyote

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Posted 23 January 2021 - 05:39 AM

old as the tree..........

 

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large tree right in front of his ball and it was directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1734 kiyote

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Posted 24 January 2021 - 07:36 AM

if electricity always follows the path of

least resistance, why doesn't lightning only happen in france?


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1735 kiyote

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Posted Yesterday, 06:40 AM

An old man is selling watermelons...

His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10

A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon. "That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man.

The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.

As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing."

The old man smiles and thinks to himself, "That man originally only wanted one watermelon. But he bought three instead just so he could tell me how I should run my business."


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!


#1736 kiyote

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Posted Today, 06:01 AM

As I was leaving my apartment today, my neighbor was leaving too.

She looked at me in disgust (sadly...not unusual) and said, 'You know that we can hear you when you are having sex some mornings. You moan very loudly with 10 minutes of heavy breathing and ridiculous grunting at the end. We have young children you know! How about being considerate of your neighbors".

She abruptly turned and walked away.

I was upset by what she said to me because I didn't know I was THAT noisy.

And I was even more upset because that's just me putting on my shoes and socks in the morning.


if you build your life upon a firm foundation , 

the storms of life won't blow it down!





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