jocularity
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A salesman walks down a beach...
...and finds a brass lamp in the sand. He picks it up, dusts it off and, as usual, a genie pops out and offers him three wishes.
Being a salesman he tries to bargain, "Make it four."
The genie replies, "Granted, you have three left."
...and finds a brass lamp in the sand. He picks it up, dusts it off and, as usual, a genie pops out and offers him three wishes.
Being a salesman he tries to bargain, "Make it four."
The genie replies, "Granted, you have three left."
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4,527 Posts
I have grown old and weary and decided it is time to retire and enjoy my remaining time.
my new year's resolution is to distance from the internet. so, while I may drop by occasionally, I probably won't be posting anymore.
it has been my pleasure to hopefully bring some cheer now and then.
to all of the PT, have a happy and safe 2023 and may the Lord bless you all with many, many more.
live, love and pursue your predator goals and dreams.
my new year's resolution is to distance from the internet. so, while I may drop by occasionally, I probably won't be posting anymore.
it has been my pleasure to hopefully bring some cheer now and then.
to all of the PT, have a happy and safe 2023 and may the Lord bless you all with many, many more.
live, love and pursue your predator goals and dreams.
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22,954 Posts
I hope it’s a joke.. if it’s not I may have to publish his home address.
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22,954 Posts
Four old geeers were playing their
weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on
Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to
the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it, we'll make it a priority,
figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf
course.
The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such
a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the
Cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading
the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like
they have lost their minds.
"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped
my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great
morning for either sex or golf,' and she said... 'Take a sweater!
weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on
Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to
the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it, we'll make it a priority,
figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf
course.
The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such
a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the
Cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading
the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like
they have lost their minds.
"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped
my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great
morning for either sex or golf,' and she said... 'Take a sweater!
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22,954 Posts
Yesterday, my daughter emailed me, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.
"Like sitting around the pool, drinking wine isn't a good thing?" I asked.
Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She is "only thinking of me," she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas.
So, I did and when I got home, I decided to play a prank on her. I sent her an email saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You're 84 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes ?"
I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled; "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
“Oh man, am I in trouble?" I said; "I signed up and prepaid for five jumps a week!
The line went dead.
Life as a Senior Citizen may not be getting any easier, but it can be fun.
"Like sitting around the pool, drinking wine isn't a good thing?" I asked.
Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She is "only thinking of me," she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas.
So, I did and when I got home, I decided to play a prank on her. I sent her an email saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You're 84 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes ?"
I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled; "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
“Oh man, am I in trouble?" I said; "I signed up and prepaid for five jumps a week!
The line went dead.
Life as a Senior Citizen may not be getting any easier, but it can be fun.
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6,774 Posts
Happy retirement Kiyote never thought this would happen... Enjoy
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22,954 Posts
A Friend ( MALE ) sent this to me and I thought I'd pass it along !
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.. But, Boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
EDITOR'S NOTE:
Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum, shortly after this piece "went viral." The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Carol was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow accidentally sat down on his golf club.
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.. But, Boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
EDITOR'S NOTE:
Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum, shortly after this piece "went viral." The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Carol was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow accidentally sat down on his golf club.
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3,277 Posts
Three brothers, 92, 94 and 96 live together in a house.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs "was I getting in or out of the bath? "
The 94 year old yells back, " I don't know I'll come up and see" he starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells "was I going up the stairs or coming down? "
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful. " he knocks on woods for good luck. He then yells " I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door"
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One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs "was I getting in or out of the bath? "
The 94 year old yells back, " I don't know I'll come up and see" he starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells "was I going up the stairs or coming down? "
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful. " he knocks on woods for good luck. He then yells " I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door"
Sent from my SM-N975U using Tapatalk
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Dave and Pete were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft engineers in Darwin, Australia .
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'
Pete says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?'
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects.
Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Pete.
Pete says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'
Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'
Pete says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..'
' Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
'What's that?'
'Have you farted yet?'
'No.'
'Well, DON’T - 'cause I'm in New Zealand '😂
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'
Pete says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?'
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects.
Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Pete.
Pete says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'
Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'
Pete says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..'
' Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
'What's that?'
'Have you farted yet?'
'No.'
'Well, DON’T - 'cause I'm in New Zealand '😂
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