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Discussion Starter · #2,421 ·
What did the blind man say when he walked past

the fish market?


"Hello Ladies"
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,422 ·
The Right Needs New Conspiracy Theories.

All of their old ones keep coming true.
 
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Discussion Starter · #2,423 ·
break out your face diapers snowflakes. the monkey pox is coming for you!




round an round we go!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,424 ·
Who is the greatest?

A boob, a vagina, and an asshole are debating as to who is the greatest of them all.

BOOB: “I give milk to newborn babies and I’m attractive to the opposite sex. That’s why I’m the greatest.”

VAGINA: “That’s nothing. I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex. That’s why I’m the greatest.”
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Why are you scrolling down? It’s your turn to speak!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,427 ·
In the beginning

God said “Adam, I want you to do something for me.”

Adam said, “Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do ?”

God said, “Go down into that valley”

Adam said, “What’s a valley?”

God explained it to him. Then God said, “Cross the River.”

Adam said, “What’s a river?”

God explained that to him, and then said, “Go over to the hill …”

Adam said, “What is a hill?”

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, “On the other side of the hill you will find a cave.”

Adam said, “What’s a cave?”

After God explained, He said, “In the cave you will find a woman.”

Adam said, “What’s a woman?”

So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, “I want you to reproduce.”

Adam said, “How do I do that?”

God first said (under His breath), “Geez …” And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

In about five minutes, he was back.

God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, “What is it?”

Adam said, “What’s a Headache?”
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,428 ·
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for the brainless!)


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.


Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.


Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.


Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?


Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle-shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not. Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.


Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.


Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...


Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.


Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.


Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a 'Drop Bear'. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.


Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.


Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.


Q: Will I be able to talk English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,429 ·
The safest place for children in America

Is in the mother’s womb… unless your in new york!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,432 ·
When you thought Bidum couldn't get dumber...

well, you were wrong!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,433 ·
Lefty Logic; Empty store shelves don't matter

when you can't afford to drive to the market anyway.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,435 ·

Little Johnny went to visit his grandfather’s


farm for a holiday. While grandfather was showing him around the farm, he saw a cock doing his business with one of the hens, and he asked, “Grandpa, what’s that?”

Grandpa replied, “That’s a cock, and that’s a hen, and he’s serving her.”

Further on, Johnny saw a horse doing his business with a mare, and he asked, “Grandpa, what’s that?”

Grandpa replied, “That’s a horse, and that’s a mare, and he’s serving her.”

At dinner that night, Grandma said, “Grandpa, will you please serve the turkey?”

At that, little Johnny jumped up and said, “If he does that, I’m having a hamburger!”
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,436 ·
breasts are like batteries. AA's are OK, C's are

good, D's are much bigger and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,437 ·
And Just Like That




Democrats brought back the 1918 pandemic, The 1929 depression, the 1968 race riots and the 1973 gas lines,
ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,439 ·
The guy who invented the umbrella was going to

call it the ‘brella’.

But he hesitated.
 
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Discussion Starter · #2,440 ·
Two Amish women

Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Yoder are in the garden digging potatoes. Mrs Miller holds a large potato in each hand and says These remind me of my husband Kaleb's testicles .
Mrs Yoder says Oh goodness...they are that big???
Mrs. Miller says No..,they're that dirty.
 
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