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Discussion Starter · #2,221 ·
Sotomayor the "wise latina": “Omicron is as deadly as Delta … we have hospitals that are almost at full capacity with people severely ill on ventilators. We have over 100,000 children, which we’ve never had before, in serious condition, and many on ventilators.”

Breyer chimed in: “hospitals are full almost to the point of maximum” and that “750 million new cases” were reported in the US yesterday"

These are 2 of the smartest of "81,000,000"?
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,223 ·
Primate Vertebrate Mouth Nature Green
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,224 ·
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.

A realist sees a freight train.

The train engineer sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
 
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Discussion Starter · #2,225 ·
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Stop referring to us as "weed smokers". From now on, you can call us "your highness".

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off

The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it
 

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The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset.
She asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Helen: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So, how much do you want?"

Sent from my SM-N975U using Tapatalk
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,227 ·
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men.
So I told her to sit down and shut up.

Guess what...

She couldn't do either!
 
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Discussion Starter · #2,228 ·
Warning !

Always take lettuce from the top of the stack.........................or heads will roll.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,229 ·
last night I went and watched a naked woman do stand up.

I never laughed so hard in my life!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,230 ·
Scientists have discovered another deadly

pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,231 ·
When I was applying for Australian citizenship

the interviewer asked, “Do you have a criminal record?”

I said, “No. Is that still required?”
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,232 ·
I must be getting old

I started watching "Charlie's Angels" reruns just because of the old cars
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,233 ·
The wife just called

bitching as usual and told me three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for New Year's Day and they are absolutely gorgeous.

I said, that is probably why the received the flowers then.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,235 ·
The last fight I had with my wife was my fault

When she asked me, "What's on the T.V. ? I said, " Dust ! "
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,237 ·
arrived early to the restaurant and the manager asked, "Do you mind waiting a bit?"

I replied, "Not at all."

"Good," he said, "Take these drinks to table nine."
 
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Discussion Starter · #2,239 ·
Wife said I hated her family and relatives...


I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,240 ·
I'm selling pies out of my car

$8.00 for Apple, $10.00 for lemon.

These are the pie rates of the car I be in.
 
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