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Discussion Starter · #2,201 ·
if anyone's alone on xmas, please let me know

i need to borrow some chairs
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,202 ·
Adolph the brown-nosed reindeer

He can run just as fast as Rudolph, but he can't stop as fast.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,203 ·
the kids want a cat for christmas

usually i make turkey, but, if it makes them happy..
 

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And, of the many ways to skin one, which do you prefer? If you have a big family, I can supply enough for all. Be glad to send a few.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,205 ·
gosh no never skin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's that outer layer makes em taste like chicken!;)

Snowman Christmas ornament Holiday ornament Snow Christmas decoration
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,206 ·
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own

... business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."

Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here."

A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,207 ·
Senior citizen texting code -

ATD - At the doctors

BFF - Best Friend Fell

BTW - Bring the wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

FWIW - Forgot where I was

GHA - Got heartburn again

IMHAO - Is my hearing aid on?

LMDO - Laughing my dentures out

TTML - Talk to me louder
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,208 ·
Three bikers stomp into a truck stop...

...where an old-timer is having breakfast.

One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy’s pancakes. The second biker spits a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffee. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor.

Without a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves.

“Not much of a man, was he?” says one of the bikers.

“Not much of a driver, either,” says the waitress. “He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,209 ·
A lawyer is trying to call his clients. The phone rings and a little boy, in a whisper, says, ” Hello”
Lawyer: “Is your mommy there?”
Boy: (whispers) “Yes.”
Lawyer: “Can I speak to her?”
Boy: (whispers) “She’s very busy.”
Lawyer: “Is your daddy there?”
Boy: (whispers) “Yes.”
Lawyer: “Can I speak to him?”
Boy: (whispers) “No, He’s very busy.”
Lawyer: “Is there anyone else there?”
Boy: (whispers) “Yes, the fire department.”
Lawyer: “Can I talk to one of them?”
Boy: (whispers) “No, They’re busy too.”
Lawyer: “Is there anybody ELSE there?”
Boy: (whispers) “The police department.”
Lawyer: “Well, can I talk to one of them?”
Boy: (whispers) “No, They’re busy too.”
Lawyer: “Let me get this straight, your mother, father, the fire department and the police department are all in your house, and they are all busy. What are they doing?”
Boy: (whispers) “They are all looking for me.”
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,210 ·
A balding, white haired man from Sherman Oaks in California, walked into a jewelry store in
a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, 'There was only $25 in your account.'
'I know, said the old man,
'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,212 ·
What does a wife and a grenade have in common ?

You get hurt when you pull off the ring !
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,214 ·
My new year’s resolution is I’m going to be less condescending.
And by the way, condescending means talking down to people.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,215 ·
If you think no one cares about you

try missing a few payments !
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,216 ·
My wife came home from work....

.... and stormed into the bedroom.
She looked at me, sat on the edge of the bed, and sighed deeply.

"I get the impression you aren't being loyal to me," she said.

"Why?" I frowned.

"You've been very quiet recently," she continued, "and you're always hanging around with that woman from work...Rachel?"

"Rochelle," coughed a voice from the closet.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,217 ·
what do BLM rallys and jan 6th have in common?

the media lies about both!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,218 ·
BREAKING NEWS

another new variant is emerging .
the otidi variant . not much is known about this new variant at this time but one thing we can be certain of........... be afraid , very afraid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,219 ·
if it takes you an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes ..............
............... you might be a liberal!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,220 ·

My girlfriend asked me. " Do you ever


want to get married ?" Apparently," when I meet
the right girl ," was the wrong answer !
 
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