During a funeral...
The pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her sex life.
Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.
She looks at him and asks, "How do you expect to fulfill my wishes?"
He explains, "I have no arms to hit you with and no legs to run away."
Then she says, "And the sex life?"
He looks at her and says, "I rang the door bell, didn't I?"
when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down one side, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed downward again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?”
A man goes to a bar
and sees a fat girl table dancing. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" she is
flattered and replies," You really think so ?" The man says, "Oh definitely!"
most tables would have collapsed by now."
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