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Discussion Starter · #2,101 ·
Yesterday I ate a clock.
It was very time consuming.
Especially when I went
back for seconds.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,102 ·
If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you,
just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money ?"
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,103 ·
A older couple are in church...

The wife says to the husband, “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”

The husband says, “Change the battery in your hearing aid, 'cause it wasn't all that quite, and you might want to check your depends too."
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,104 ·
Why is everyone in New York depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,105 ·
I was in my local bar last night enjoying a nice cold beer, when this butt ugly fat woman came up to me and slapped me in the back, and said “how about giving me your number handsome”

I looked at her and asked “Do you have a pen” “sure!” She said.

So I said, “ Well you better get back in it before the farmer notices you’re missing!”
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,106 ·
Motor vehicle Automotive tire Musical instrument Automotive lighting Gramophone record
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,107 ·
A black guy in a library asked me where the colored printers were.
I said, "Dude, it's 2021, you can use any printer you want."
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,108 ·
During a funeral...
The pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,109 ·
A woman puts an ad in the paper looking

for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her sex life.
Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.

She looks at him and asks, "How do you expect to fulfill my wishes?"

He explains, "I have no arms to hit you with and no legs to run away."

Then she says, "And the sex life?"

He looks at her and says, "I rang the door bell, didn't I?"
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,110 ·
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying

in bed one evening….

when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down one side, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed downward again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?”

“I found the remote,” he said.
 

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Lol
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,112 ·
in todays news!!!

Horniest Trek captain goes to space in a

...ship shaped like a dick
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,113 ·
what did mrs kirk ask james t when he returned from his trip to space ?

did you shatner yer pants?
 
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Discussion Starter · #2,114 ·
My gramma lives just over the border in Canada and loves to knit.
You should have seen the look on the faces of Border Patrol when I told them I had 2 afghans in the trunk of my car
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,115 ·

Things you shouldn't say in Victoria's Secret:


- "Does this come in children's sizes?"

- "No thanks, just sniffing."

- "I'll be in the dressing room going blind."

- "Will you model this for me?"

- "But dear, your sister already has that one in red."

- "Honey, you'll never fit your fat ass into that."

- "No need to wrap that up, I'll eat it here."
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,116 ·
Rectangle Font Automotive lighting Event Darkness
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,117 ·
A drunk man is being arrested
by a female police officer, who informs him," anything you say can and will be held
against you".
The man replies, "Boobs!"
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,118 ·
A man goes to a bar
and sees a fat girl table dancing. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" she is
flattered and replies," You really think so ?" The man says, "Oh definitely!"
most tables would have collapsed by now."
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,119 ·
I look at people sometimes and think

Are you kidding me ?
That's the sperm that Won ?
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,120 ·
few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at the bar.

I decided to break the ice with these new friends with a few jokes, most of them went down very well.

Until I decided to tell a few more offensive jokes. I picked the worst possible one to start off with.

Here is the joke I told;

"What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry in."

One of the friends instantly became enraged and took a swing at me. When I ask him what his problem was he replied that his little brother had been epileptic and had died in the bath many years ago.

Obviously I was mortified as I had not known this. I said "I am so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?"

"No" replied the guy, "he choked on a sock."
 
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