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Discussion Starter · #2,023 ·
Historic "Scientific" Remedies:

circa 1700: Mercury Pills

circa 1800: Leeches

circa 1900: Snake Oil

circa 2020: Masks
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,024 ·
A wife comes downstairs before a dinner date with her husband.
"Do I look fat in this dress?" the wife asks.

"Do I look dumb in this shirt?" the husband replies.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,025 ·
Whenever a man has something to say, you can be sure a woman always has to have her say in the end...

He said... Want a quickie?
She said... As opposed to what?

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said... You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said... Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He said... This coffee isn't fit for a pig!
She said... No problem, I'll get you some that is.

She said... What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said... Well, you succeeded.

Priest... I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.
She said... Who's gonna look?

He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
She said... No, have you?

He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?
She said... Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said... Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said... I would, but you're never there.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said... Well, you succeeded.

He said... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said... That's a good idea... You stand by the ironing board, while I sit on the sofa and fart.

He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said... Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard.
 
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Discussion Starter · #2,026 ·
God decided to visit Earth...

...so He traveled from Heaven to the big city. He walked down the street until he came upon a masked man sitting against a wall, crying.

"What ails you, my son?" asked God.

"I've caught the china flu and have to wear this damned mask forever" replied the man.

God took pity on the man and cured him with a snap of the fingers.

Ambling down the road, God spies another man sitting on the curb, crying.

"What ails you, my son?" asked God again.

"Well," said the man, "Last week I ran out of gas and can't look for work."

With another snap of his fingers God filled his tank with gasoline.

Continuing down the boulevard God spotted yet a third man sitting on the curb, weeping to himself.

"What ails you, my son?" asked God?

"Well, sir," said the man, "I am a dimocrat and I voted for joebama."

And the Lord sat down and wept with him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,027 ·
Masks are like diapers sooner or later every crybaby has one.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,028 ·
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO 2021

Bud: ‘You can’t come in here!’
Lou: ‘Why not?’
Bud: ‘Well because you’re unvaccinated.’
Lou: ‘But I’m not sick.’
Bud: ‘It doesn’t matter.’
Lou: ‘Well, why does that guy get to go in?’
Bud: ‘Because he’s vaccinated.’
Lou: ‘But he’s sick!’
Bud: ‘It’s alright. Everyone in here is vaccinated.’
Lou: ‘Wait a minute. Are you saying everyone in there is vaccinated?’
Bud: ‘Yes.’
Lou: ‘So then why can’t I go in there if everyone is vaccinated?’
Bud: ‘Because you’ll make them sick.’
Lou: ‘How will I make them sick if I’m NOT sick and they’re vaccinated.’
Bud: ‘Because you’re unvaccinated.’
Lou: ‘But they’re vaccinated.’
Bud: ‘But they can still get sick.’
Lou: ‘So what the heck does the vaccine do?’
Bud: ‘It vaccinates.’
Lou: ‘So vaccinated people can’t spread covid?’
Bud: ‘Oh no. They can spread covid just as easily as an unvaccinated person.’
Lou: ‘I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. Look. I’m not sick.
Bud: ‘Ok.’ Lou: ‘And the guy you let in IS sick.’
Bud: ‘That’s right.’
Lou: ‘And everybody in there can still get sick even though they’re vaccinated.’
Bud: ‘Certainly.’
Lou: ‘So why can’t I go in again?’
Bud: ‘Because you’re unvaccinated.’
Lou: ‘I’m not asking who’s vaccinated or not!’
Bud: ‘I’m just telling you how it is.’
Lou: ‘Never mind. I’ll just put on my mask.’
Bud: ‘That’s fine.’
Lou: ‘Now I can go in?’
Bud: ‘Absolutely not?’
Lou: ‘But I have a mask!’
Bud: ‘Doesn’t matter.’
Lou: ‘I was able to come in here yesterday with a mask.’
Bud: ‘I know.’
Lou: So why can’t I come in here today with a mask? ….If you say ‘because I’m unvaccinated’ again, I’ll break your arm.’
Bud: ‘Take it easy buddy.’
Lou: ‘So the mask is no good anymore.’
Bud: ‘No, it’s still good.’
Lou: ‘But I can’t come in?’
Bud: ‘Correct.’
Lou: ‘Why not?’
Bud: ‘Because you’re unvaccinated.’
Lou: ‘But the mask prevents the germs from getting out.’
Bud: ‘Yes, but people can still catch your germs.’
Lou: ‘But they’re all vaccinated.’
Bud: ‘Yes, but they can still get sick.’
Lou: ‘But I’m not sick!!’
Bud: ‘You can still get them sick.’
Lou: ‘So then masks don’t work!’
Bud: ‘Masks work quite well.’
Lou: ‘So how in the heck can I get vaccinated people sick if I’m not sick and masks work?’
Bud: ‘Third base.’
 
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Discussion Starter · #2,029 ·
Democratic Senator Chuck Schumer is extremely concerned about fraudulent vaccine cards.

It's interesting that he's not at all concerned about fraudulent voter registration cards.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,030 ·
I had a dream that I had a new chinese girlfriend but it was just my imagine asian.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,031 ·
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines are about to fail and we will have to attempt an emergency landing."

"Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach."

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

The pilot then announces "Odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?"

No, sweetheart," she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"

"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.

"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?" he asks.

"Oh, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 50 years.

Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"

Abe answers, "They'll find us!"
 
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Discussion Starter · #2,032 ·
I went to a McDonald's today, and ate a Kid's Meal.
It was good, but his mom was furious!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,033 ·
Water Cartoon Vertebrate Ecoregion Organism
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,034 ·
Taliban’s first draft of a new Women’s Bill of

Rights:

The right to remain silent.

The right to equal employment inside the home with the other wives.

The right of freedom of movement. Again, inside the home.

The right to free healthcare that is on par with the best veterinary care in the country.

The right to an education in Islam.

The right to be married to whichever brave Taliban fighter chooses them.

The right to bear children and raise them up to defend the Islamic Emirate.

The right to marry at any age.

The right to choose the color of their burqa.

The right to be seen in public, so long as they are fully covered and in the presence of their husband.

The right to speak freely with other women about how to take care of the house and raise children.

The right to have only one hand chopped off as a warning in cases of minor infractions.

The right to trial by husband.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,035 ·
There's a new cult out there that worships

testicles............................................................they're sacreligious
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,036 ·
Dog Car Vehicle Carnivore Liver
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,037 ·
Biden declares victory in Afghanistan

15,000 Trump supporters trapped by Taliban.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,038 ·
I don't eat meat for religious reasons.

I eat it for the taste.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,039 ·
Hear about the blond couple who died at the drive-in?

they froze to death waiting to see "Closed for the Season".
 

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Discussion Starter · #2,040 ·
What is it with young, female doctors?

They see me for a prostate exam, and they don't even get their hair done!
 
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