Joe Biden wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So, he instructed his people, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and Biden was pleased. But within a few days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious. He called the people responsible and ordered them to investigate the matter. They checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported the problem to Joe. The report said, "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side."
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than a sheriff from West Virginia.
The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?"
The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming."
"You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently.
The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Now tell me, do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
After old man Henry picked up on an old lady Johnson during church they went out on a date. After making their way up to lookout hill he parked the car and they started to make out like they did when they were teenagers.
When things got hot and heavy old man Henry said, "Hold on a minute honey", he slaps on a rubber and shoves some cotton in his ears and up his nose. He turns back around and said, " I'm ready honey ".
Now old lady Johnson gets a big smile on her face and said, " I know what the rubber is for we're about to git it on but what's the cotton in you ears and up your nose for?".
"Well honey, there's two things in life I can't stand.
An old farmer writes to his son in prison;
Dear son, this year i wont be able to plant potatoes because i can't dig the field by myself, i know if you were here, you would help me.
The son writes back; dad don't even think of digging the field because thats where i buried the money i stole.
The police read the letter and the next day the whole field was dug by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The following day the son wrote again....
Now plant your potatoes dad.. Its the best I can do from here.
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
"Thank you, honey", she says.
"What would you like me to bring back for you?"
He laughs and says, "An Italian girl!"
When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good," she replies.
"And what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" she asks.
"The one I asked for- an Italian girl!"
"Oh, that," she says. "Well, I did what I could. Now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl.
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