[kiyote]

Mildred, the church gossiper and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused a new member, Henry, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Henry and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
Henry, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, Henry quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house, walked home and left it there all night.

 

[pokeyjeeper]

Good one kiyote

 

[220swift]

True small town justice.........good one there kiyote.

 

[kiyote]

I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service'

U.S. Postal 'Service'

Telephone 'Service'

Cable / TV 'Service'

Civil 'Service'

City, County & State Public 'Service'

Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.

BAM!!! It all came into focus.

Now I understand what all those agencies are doing.

I hope that you are now just as enlightened as I am.

 

[kiyote]

I live in constant fear
That someone will kidnap my Mother-in-Law!


Who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, Bldg C, Apt 32
3rd floor on the left.
The key is under the mat!

 

[hassell]

Good one.

 

[kiyote]

"May Day! May Day!


This is the story of a young college student flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.


The pilot has a heart attack and dies.

She, frantic, grabs the mike and calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! The pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Someone help me! Please help me!"

She then hears a voice on the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath, stay calm and everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She then says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Hillary"

"O.K." says the voice on the radio, "Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven…

 

[C2C]

"May Day! May Day! This is the story of a young college student flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. The pilot has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, grabs the mike and calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! The pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Someone help me! Please help me!" She then hears a voice on the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath, stay calm and everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position." She then says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Hillary" "O.K." says the voice on the radio, "Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven…

You're on a roll .. keep em comin . :roflmao:

 

[kiyote]

You're on a roll .. keep em comin . :roflmao:

I wool try,

A blonde gets pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop asks for her license. She digs through her purse for a bit, then asks, "What's it look like?" The cop says "It's a little rectangle with your picture on it." The blonde rummages again and hands the cop a rectangular makeup mirror. The cop says "Why didn't you tell me you're a cop? Have a nice day!"

 

[kiyote]

A priest was checking into a hotel and asked

the receptionist, "I trust the pornography channel is disabled?" "No, replied the receptionist, it's just regular porn, you filthy bastard."

 

[kiyote]

My wife has put on a lot of weight

but then she's had a lot on her plate lately.



If Russia attacked Turkey from behind
Would Greece help?

 

[kiyote]

yestiddy I were buying beer at the local grocery store.

the young checkout gal ASKED ME, " got any ID?"
I answered, " bout wut!"

 

[220swift]

:teeth: :teeth:

 

[220swift]

​

 

[220swift]

​

 

[220swift]

​

 

[kiyote]

At an auction in Mumbai a wealthy Indian announced that he had lost his wallet containing $10,000 and would give a reward of $100 to the person who found it.

From the back of the hall a person shouted, “I’ll give $150!”

 

[kiyote]

This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way home I stopped at the gas station and this drop dead gorgeous blonde was filling upher car at the next pump. She glanced over and looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice,

"I'm a big believer in the barter system, big boy. Would you be interested in a trade of sex for ammo?"

I thought it over for a few seconds and responded.....

"Maybe. How much ammo ya got?"

 

[Mo Mo]

I went golfing and hit two good balls today....I stepped on a rake.

 

[kiyote]

they ain't good no mo :teeth: